My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
