So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
