Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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