His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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