does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
