They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize