So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
