She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am mentally ready for anal.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
