If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
