Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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