Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
