Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
