i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
