She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize