I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
