but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
