billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
