someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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