I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize