The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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