Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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