what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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