I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
