we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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