ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
