And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
