I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
