Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your cock deserves a montage
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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