i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have tasted many bathrooms
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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