I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
