i permit you to call me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
