Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
