Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize