Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
