i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize