I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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