Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
