Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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