Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
