my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
