Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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