Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize