I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
