I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
