I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
