If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
