i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
