How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Two words: nipple clamps
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