i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize