On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
