The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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