Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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