dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
