we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
