Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
