So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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