Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You had me at "let me see your balls"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
