you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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