maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
