no, he came in my armpit
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bring money and cleavage
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
