can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
