so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
