just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
