Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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