Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
