I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
