you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
