I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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