Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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