And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
