drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
