He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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