one might say we're banned from that church
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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